I've never really had a diary. In the past few years (10? 15?), I haven't really had any close friends. I have family, of course, but no one to really talk to. I am hoping that this blog will let me spill my thoughts, troubles, hopes and dreams out for the world to read, and maybe it will be my friend.
Who am I? I am a mid- to late-30's WASP female; married with two kids. Nice house in the 'burbs, two cars in the garage, swimming pool, both my husband and I work full time. You know, "the life". I enjoy shopping (I am a chick you know!), cooking, watching tv (RHoNJ anyone?), yelling at the Yankees through thick and thin, gardening. I hate cleaning. I love gossip websites, except for those who love to whine about their current issues, and I think that about covers it.
I love my family more than anything. The past few months have been kind of trying though, as my father-in-law passed away in January (not entirely unexpected, but since it was expected for the past few years, it was unexpected when it finally happened) and then my mom had heart surgery in the spring and we almost lost her a few weeks afterwards. She is recovering, but it is going to be a long road. You would think that something that is supposed to save your life and make you better wouldn't change your life so drastically so quickly - and not in a good way. Anyway, my family in general is great, but, boy can they be a pain in the butt. Let me explain - I am the only female in the house. I am also the only mature one with a brain in the house. Is that sexist? I think that some sexism is ok, it just depends on what it is. My husband can be a real idiot. My sons are, well, pre-puberty - that should explain everything.
My husband can be jealous. He can drive me nuts. We have been together for 17 years (married for 15) and he constantly brings up old boyfriends, boys that weren't even friends, etc. I know that this isn't normal. I know that I shouldn't allow him to say the things he says or call me the nicknames, or accuse me of wanting others/cheating/etc. I know that it isn't true but when I get mad/upset, his philosophy is that if it wasn't true I wouldn't get upset. How asinine is that? I get upset because it drives me up a wall (oh yeah, I really am secretly wanting to be with some guy I last saw like 19/20 years ago - get real), but there is no logic to it. His family has told me that he used to be worse than this. I can't imagine. And I put up with it - I am so stupid. This is where I wish that I had a friend to talk to. Is this normal? (No) Why put up with it? (Because I love him, he is a good husband except for when he is being stupid) I don't know. What my husband can also be is loving, funny and thoughtful.
Anyway, it feels good to talk about it. Don't know that anyone is listening, but writing is truly cathartic. My degree is in writing, but I never pursued a career with it. I was going to work at a magazine or in public relations. I don't work in anything nearly close to those fields. At one time or another I was also going to be a furniture mover, a "cash-up" girl, a hairstylist, an actress, work in "international business", and a teacher. All totally random and many of them are from my childhood. I was a normal child - I promise. The point is, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Do we ever? Is anyone truly happy with the choices that they make in life? I know that you aren't supposed to be, but why not?
Those are my thoughts for today, just to get things going. I hope that someone takes the time to read this, but if you don't, then that's ok too. I promise that I have a lot of thoughts - some deep and intellectual and some totally shallow and pop-culturish. I can be witty, morose, boring and exciting. At least I think so....
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